Monthly Archives: August 2014

Thirty Nine

Ginny has hit her so-called ‘Terrible Twos’ and she has hit them hard. Not that she’s an awful child all of a sudden, no she’s actually quite well behaved most of the time. But there are other times when I kind of wish I could just burrow into the blankets on my bed and hide from her for a few days.

Tantrums sprout up every once in a while, over the silliest things. She demands chocolate at all hours of the day – which we DO NOT give in to. She is constantly trying to manipulate us and much to my horror it occasionally works. Fortunately the Terrible of these Twos isn’t always Terrible. I mean, that sometimes she’s just flat out cheeky cheeky cheeky. Cheeky kids can be tricky to wrangle, let me tell you. I’ll go to pick her up and she lets her body fall limp. She runs away when I need to change her diaper. She tries to steal the wipes while I change her. If I leave a glass of water anywhere, you can bet she’s dipped her fingers in it. She’s full of mischief and it’s frustrating but so much fun.

For about a month and a half now, she’s also been kicking it in her big girl bed. This was a fairly easy transition, which I am extremely thankful for. Tips? Make it exciting – really hype up the fact that it’s a Big Girl Bed. Bribery – we used this sparingly, but effectively – if she was having a particularly rough bed or nap time, we would be promised Play Doh the next day or a trip to Grandma’s, and that really helped a lot; I haven’t had to use that technique in a few weeks now. Let her make her own decisions – we didn’t put the play pen away for several weeks after beginning the big bed foray, so at night we would give her the option of which bed to sleep in and more often than not she would select the big bed. So far – much to our utter delight – Ginny has not yet realized that she is allowed to get out of bed by herself when she wakes, so there’s been no late night playing with toys or ridiculously early mornings. She just sits in bed and yells “MOMMY” until I come get her. It’s nice.

That’s it for today. Haven’t been in such a bloggy mood lately. We’ve had a few surprises come up of the financial and emotional variety and so we’ve all been kind of in a funk. Hopefully updates will more frequent soon 🙂

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Thirty Eight

19 Socially Awkward Situations for People Who are Always Early

Please click on that link and give the list a read. I’m one of those people that freaks the heck out when stuff doesn’t run on time. It has taken decades (I can’t believe I can say that in the plural now) for me to realize that being 5 minutes late for one thing once in a while isn’t the worst thing that can happen. I still try to avoid that though. 

If you say you’re coming over to my house and we decide upon 5:00 and you’re not there by 5:01, you can bet that I’m pacing the floors and glancing out the windows and checking the clock. Honestly, I’m not going to get mad at you, but it’s a hard thing for me to deal with. If you invite me to your house, I will do my absolute best to be there at the agreed upon time, or five minutes before. I was brought up to be early for things, and so now even without my parents’ push to get out the door, being punctual is how I roll. 

When I go to the movies? I need to get there AT LEAST 30 minutes before showtime. I prefer it to be closer to an hour though. That way, I’m guaranteed a ticket. I’m guaranteed the seat I want. I have ample time to pee. I get to see all the trailers (I loooove trailers). I have time to get my food and go back for extra butter if need be. We recently went to a movie with my dad, brother, and Bryan’s dad, and brother. Bryan, my dad, my brother, and I arrived 40 minutes early. We sat down at a table and chatted a bit after purchasing our tickets. We got our food. We sat down. Bryan’s dad and brother arrived just minutes before the dimming of the lights. That made my hair stand on end. I could never personally cut it that close. I’ve been late to a movie ONCE in my entire life. And that honestly made me feel a bit sick.

Anyways. I’m just kinda bringing this up because we had a scheduling issue and timeliness came up and so I’ve been gently stewing over it while watching my Grey’s and finishing my Coke. It’s tough being a timely person in a world where people don’t always seem to value punctuality. However…I’m learning to deal with it a little bit at a time. Sort of. Ok not really. Maybe if I pretend it doesn’t bother me, it will truly stop. Maybe? 

Thirty Seven

Over the past six months or so, I’ve been hit HARD by a case of Baby Fever. Every baby I saw just gave me such an ache in my heart that I knew only a newborn could fill. A sweet, soft, roly poly, little baby. Whenever Ginny lay in my arms asleep, I’d fondly recall how tiny she once was and how much I absolutely loved that. 

And then about two or three weeks ago, the Fever disappeared completely. Even meeting my little nephew (5 months old), didn’t do anything to give me that yearning. In fact holding that ADORABLE little guy just reminded me of how much I actually really don’t enjoy children. There’s a reason I quit babysitting. There’s a reason I never signed up to be a counselor at camp. There’s a reason that I don’t take Ginny to the play group at church. I both don’t like children, and am TERRIFIED of them. Every time I pick Ginny up from Sunday School I’m filled with total panic as all these tiny humans run around near me and sometimes they – gasp – talk to me. And I have no clue what to say.

Holding my nephew and realizing I didn’t have that ache for a baby anymore really made me start to think. Why did things suddenly change? To be honest I don’t know. I do know a few other things though.

1. Yes, I do still want a baby. But just a baby. At this point in my life I’m not ready to raise a second child. We weren’t planning on it for a few years anyways, but even when the time comes to discuss our options I’m not sure we’ll decide to have another child. 

Ginny is WONDERFUL. I love her more than I would have thought possible (and I knew going into this baby thing that parents love the snot out of their kids). I really truly enjoy raising my girl. However I don’t enjoy being unbelievably exhausted all the time. Part of that is because I’m not fit whatsoever, but part of it is that being a parent is hard and I even have a second parent helping me. I applaud anyone who can do it on their own.

I really don’t want to have to go through diapers again, projectile infant vomit all over my clothes, infant vomit in my mouth, poop everywhere all the time, NO poop everywhere meaning the poor thing is constipated, sleepless nights, early mornings, the fight to get the baby to eat…the list goes on and on. Of course all of this stuff is 100% worth it every single day and I have never once regretted having my little Ginny. But it’s tough business.

2. I haven’t had a job since 2009. After I was laid off I searched and applied and interviewed and nothing ever happened for me. It was incredibly discouraging and after months of being shut down I started to shut down and that time of rejection in my life is something I’m still always trying to get over, and it’s really hard. I know that I need to get out and get myself feeling better about social interactions, but right now it’s really hard to do. Once Ginny starts making friends and going to school I know that will be a huge boost for me in that I will be forced to talk to people and do things outside of my comfort zone. But once she’s in school full time what will I do? I honestly don’t see my art taking me anywhere (not because I don’t have talent but because I don’t know what to do with it…so for the foreseeable future it will remain a hobby), so I need to find something else to occupy my time and I’m thinking school! Or getting out into the work force one baby step at a time. 

But…having a second child, I feel, would be taking more steps back for my ‘social development’. There’s no way I’m not staying home with another baby should we have one, not because I’d feel obligated but because I really would truly want to. That puts my non-child-related plans on the back burner though. And do I want that? And is it selfish to want to put myself first, once Ginny’s in school? I don’t think so. 

3. Part of my intense Baby Fever, which hit its peak in February and March, was due in large part to the passing of my grandparents. Their deaths have deeply shaken me in a way that I won’t go into today, and one of the major feelings that overcame me was that I have to have more babies NOW because if I don’t, my family won’t get to meet my future children or get to know them. My grandparents met Ginny once and that’s very joyful for me to remember, but also painful because she was too young to know them. And I’m so sad that my siblings’ kids will never get that honour of meeting those two amazing people. I was away from Bryan for around two months and every night I would lay in bed consumed by the thought that I NEED a baby. I was prepared to go home to him and get the process started. I’m infinitely thankful that we were able to discuss things rationally and that I could realize that the longing for a baby was just a strange side effect to a tragedy that occurred in my family. If we’re going to have another baby…it has to be for the right reasons, and not because I’m scared. 

Those are just three of the things that have been weighing on my mind in regards to this topic lately. I’m really grateful that the Fever subsided, because it really was eating at me. I was losing sleep at night because I couldn’t control my thoughts about it. It was tough. It became so difficult for me that Bryan and I ended up having a long discussion which ended in a solution of sorts: We won’t plan for another baby right now. But when Ginny’s almost 4, we’ll revisit how we feel and see where we’re at. And even though that ‘solution’ isn’t really definite and doesn’t necessarily answer questions, it was enough to bring me a sense of calm. I no longer lay awake, unsure of what will happen in regards to us and expanding our family. 

And in the end it’s not up to us anyway, it’s up to God. He chose when to give us our Ginny and when and if the time is right, he’ll choose to give us another child if that’s what is right for our lives. 

Thirty Six

Well, it’s apparently National Breastfeeding Week, so I’ve decided to write a bit about my own experience with this topic.

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Before Ginny was born, I was absolutely ready to get started with breast feeding my baby. I was really looking forward to everything about it, and read as much as I could on the topic. When Ginny arrived, she latched immediately and our first feeding (about ten minutes after she came into this world) went amazingly well. I was ecstatic! The rest of our stay in the hospital the feedings went okay. Sometimes she had a tough time latching, but we were always able to figure it out and even if we had trouble, there was always a nurse ready to help. Seriously, the nurses were amazing. 

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Funny story: I was nursing Ginny on Day Two of her wee life and I became very thirsty. You get SO thirsty while nursing!! So I asked good old Bryan to get me some water. He brought the bottle over and tipped it a bit so I could get at the straw, but he wasn’t paying attention and tipping it a bit turned into full on dumping ice water all over naked me and my naked newborn. Ginny didn’t even flinch but OHMYGOSH that was COOOOOOLD! 

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Continuing On…At home, the nursing just went ok. We’d have a tough time latching, but then she’d feed alright once we got things going. When she was about 4 days old a nurse came to the house to talk to us about lactation and breast feeding and everything that entails. It was extremely informative and I was just so thankful that someone came round to do that without us needing to ask. She was absolutely fantastic. I said it before and I’ll say it again: all of the nurses who helped care for us at the time of Ginny’s birth were just wonderful. 

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Once Ginny hit about a week old, we had the feedings down. I no longer felt pain, she latched fairly easily, and it was just a really great way to spend time together. I loved it and judging from her look of drunkenness afterwards, she loved it too. However. At her second checkup we realized that Ginny wasn’t gaining enough weight. She began life at six pounds even, so we had to get a bit of meat on those bones! Our doctor (who was also amazing) suggested we supplement with formula so that’s what we did. I also attempted to pump, but that really wasn’t working for me. I’d sit and pump for an hour and get maybe one ounce and that’s not enough. 

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Finally, after about almost two months, we had to quit breastfeeding. We would sit for over an hour trying to nurse, and while she was definitely sucking, it was extremely painful for me and she would still be hungry. My milk dried up of its own accord, and the transition to formula was flawless. The change in Ginny once we switched was nearly instant, too. She started rounding out and was generally happy – not that she’d been unhappy before, but she just seemed a little brighter. 

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In conclusion: I know a lot of women these days are pressured into breastfeeding when it isn’t comfortable for them or really giving their baby the nourishment it needs. I never felt that way, which I’m very thankful for. When we switched to formula, it was between us and our doctor and it was the very best thing we could do for our child. If we ever have another child, I will ABSOLUTELY be trying to breastfeed again. Though Ginny and I did it for such a short time, the times it worked it was wonderful. I would love to have that experience again, and hopefully it will go better second time around (if we decide to have another baby, that is…still on the fence about that one).