168 – Waking Up

I’m watching a surgery on TV right now (crime show – The Fall), and it has caused me to remember something very specific about my own two surgeries: waking up.

When it comes to doctors and nurses and anyone in a hospital, really, I find myself very trusting. As a result, I was not afraid to be put to sleep to have surgery performed. I knew that all precautions would be taken to keep me safe. And obviously, everything turned out well.

The thing that frightens me though, is the after. Here are 3 experiences over the course of 2 surgeries.

1. Before having my gallbladder removed, I had to be scoped so that they could assess just what was going on inside me. They gave me some drugs for this that they explained may or may not put me to sleep. Really just depends on the person. Being asleep was not necessary for the procedure. As it was, I fell asleep. Unfortunately for me, I woke up before they finished. The scope was still down my throat and I woke up choking and terrified. I dont recall if I panicked myself back to sleep, or if they finished right away, but the fear did end quickly. This has been the most traumatizing experience for me. When I see procedures like this on TV, I feel uneasy and can remember vividly the feeling of that scope choking me.

2. When I awoke from my gallbladder removal, things were just kind of odd. I was in pain, and couldn’t open my eyes for a while. A nurse kindly gave me some lovely drugs. I went back to sleep for a bit and then I was wheeled to my room, passing by Bryan who I tried to wave to, but it was more of a pathetic wiggle of the fingers.  If I’d been present enough of mind to speak, I would have just gushed about him embarrassingly, so maybe it’s good I was too tired to talk.

3. Waking up from my ankle surgery was scary.  I woke hearing two nurses having a casual conversation about Africa which comforted me, but my eyes were so heavy I could hardly open them. It took so long to finally see what was what and where I was, and even then I wasn’t wearing my glasses. The first thing I noticed though, once I stopped focusing on my eyes, was that I felt like there was a lead blanket covering my body.  I started to feel scared and panicked because I could not move at all. I tried to lift my good leg and couldn’t.  I wanted to cry and panic out loud. The nurse closest to me saw that I’d woken so I told her what was up, and that my leg hurt. I was given more drugs for the pain and that was when I uncharacteristically joined in with the nurses’ conversation, telling them about my mom who was born in Kenya. It took hours for me to feel that awful pressure finally leave my body. I never want to experience that feeling again. It was scary.

So those are my 3 waking up stories. Just thought I’d share as I find this sort of thing very interesting!

PS: You should watch The Fall. It really sucks you in!!! And is one of the most unsettling TV shows I’ve ever watched.

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