Hands down, the hardest part of this stupid injury has been my incapacity to care for my daughter. When she is home, I am stressed out. Fortunately, we are incredibly blessed to have Bryan’s parents here in town to take her in during the week. It’s like we have shared custody, and we get her on the weekends. It’s weird, and my heart aches I miss her so much. But it’s necessary.
When you’re woken at 1 am to the sound of your child calling out, “Mummy! Mummy”, and all you can do is lay there, it’s not a surprise when you start feeling horrible. This happened last weekend and I spent 20 minutes in the middle of the night sobbing because I couldn’t go to her. Bryan went in to see her, of course, and she was fine, but it didn’t make me feel any better. Her room is so narrow and toytasctic, it wouldn’t be safe for me to go in there in the dark. Not to mention I’d have to wake Bryan up anyways to help me out of bed.
And Ginny. She is a wonderful girl, but gives Bryan so much more grief and sass than she does with me. This is so frustrating. Mine and Bryan’s patenting style is such that we are both the good cop and both the bad cop. We are both the disciplinarian parent and both the fun parent. Yet she continues to be a…well, a brat. And I try my darndest not to ‘backseat parent’ right now, since I can’t get up to deal with stuff. It’s not helpful when you’re trying to deal with a kid only to have another her voice chiming in from across a room. So anyways, Ginny will defy Bryan, Bryan will get upset, and I will be stuck in my corner crying because I don’t know what to do. I spend a lot of time crying these days.
I feel so bad for Ginny. She just wants to be a kid and live her life and hang out with Mummy and Daddy. Instead, we pack her up and send her to Grandma’s house every week, and are not ourselves when she comes home. She wants so much to help when she’s at home, but inevitably gets in the way. She wants to play but Bryan’s exhausted and it’s uncomfortable for me to get down on the floor with her. Her summer is so different than it should have been and I feel awful about it all the time. When I’m better, this kid is getting a well-deserved Ginny Appreciation Day. Despite the fact that being her mom has been really hard lately, she has definitely demonstrated her maturity in little spurts here and there. For example, any time she’s been forced to go to the hospital with us (which are long days), she has been anot absolute gem. From sitting patiently, to playing quietly, to being generally pleasant. I’m so proud of her.
Now the other hardest part: I miss MY mummy and daddy!! I’m not the type of gal who pines for her parents. I do usually generally miss them, but because we keep in touch and I know there’s always a prospect of a visit, I don’t get worked up about it. But right now? All I want is for my mom and dad to come sit on either side of me, put their arms around me, and tell me it’s all going to be ok. I’ve never missed them so much in my entire life, and it’s painful and of course it makes me cry pretty much every day. Fortunately at this point it’s just 4 more sleeps til my Mama comes to town and I cannot wait. There’s nothing quite like snuggling up next your mom and holding her hand.
I guess that’s it for this post. If there are bizarre typos, it’s because I composed this on my phone. Sorry if this was a downer, but sometimes you just gotta get the feels out!!